


from the mixed up files of the umbrella academy

by hey_mickey



Series: Mickey's Umbrellas [8]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (Comics), The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Letters, Other, Poems, Police reports, Rehab Files, Snapshots, Writing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-14
Updated: 2019-09-28
Packaged: 2020-10-18 17:57:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,732
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20643317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hey_mickey/pseuds/hey_mickey
Summary: Years ago, a book about the Umbrella Academy was released. The book, although good, was written from only one perspective, the girl with no face to the outside world. The collection of works in your hand currently claims no such biases.Simply put, this is the Umbrella Academy, in all its dysfunction and all its glory.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> These are all things I wrote cause I was bored. There's no explanation for why, only that I am seeking attention.

Years ago, a book about the Umbrella Academy was released. The book, although good, was written from only one perspective, the girl with no face to the outside world. The collection of works in your hand currently claims no such biases. The papers within contain the Umbrella Academy as it is, a messed up group of people who were forced together by the puppeteering of one man, that man being Sir Reginald Hargreeves himself. These papers are in no particular order as the members of the Umbrella Academy have not chosen to share these written works very lightly and instead gathered them themselves and sent them all in a manuscript to our esteemed publishing office.

Simply put, this is the Umbrella Academy, in all its dysfunction and all its glory.

* * *

(a grouping of old notes written in crayon)

2 stop steeling my blankets i get veri cold

u cant take all the blankets 4 some of us need to be able to sleep

yoo cant just say that and then take all of 3s pillows gim me my blankets

fine

* * *

(diary entry on an old journal)

November 4th, 1989,

I have hired multiple nannies to give the children some permanence of a female figure in their lives. I wish that they were not needed, since the children should have as little exposure to the outside world as possible, but I simply have no choice. Pogo can not do all of it himself. 

The nannies are all the most competent of their kind and are required by me to report any unusual behavior among the children. As of now, the twins, Numbers One and Five have already shown their abilities even at barely one month old. I have also seen the powers of Number Six in action and I must say I’m pleased with what I have to work with. The remaining numbers have not shown much promise as the others but if their powers are anything similar, then they will need extensive training. 

I have already begun drafting possibilities of the powers displayed to me and I have listed them here.

Number One:

Possible Powers: Super Strength or Extreme Durability (requires further testing)

Evidence of Powers: Crushed the hand of his nanny, Nanny dropped baby in surprise and pain, Baby didn’t cry. (might be stronger with certain enhancements applied)

Number Five:

Possible Powers: Spacial Powers of Some Kind (requires further testing)

Evidence of Powers: Hands Started Glowing Blue,

Nanny observed that there was an odd smell. (might either be ozone or another spacial gas, the room smelled similar to home)

Number Six:

Powers: A Summoning of an Eldritch Monster

Evidence of Powers: Killed a nanny when she didn’t bring him food, a cavity opened in his chest and the Eldritch Monster destroyed the nanny. (Eldritch Monsters are hard to control, he will require the most discipline)

As much as the powers of these three children excite me, I am still apprehensive about utilizing the nannies. I will begin a project that will allow me to get rid of them.

I will call it Grace.

* * *

(a case file ridden with bullet holes and scorch marks)

**Assignment #100933**

**Corrector(s): ** Hazel and Cha-Cha

**Manager: ** The Handler

**Mission:** Eliminate Target in Attached File. 

**File # 08452**

00.05 (Number Five, Five) Hargreeves

**Rank:** S-Class Corrector

**Age:** 58

**Eye Color: ** Green/Blue

**Hair Color: ** Gray, previously Brown

**Threat Level:** Medium to High

**Time of Origin: ** 1989 to 2002, picked up for recruitment, 2019 to 2059

**Relationships: **

  * Six Adoptive Siblings (Luther, Diego, Allison, Klaus, Ben, Vanya Hargreeves); **Threat level: low, if provoked, medium.**
  * Reginald Hargreeves, father, **Threat level: low**
  * Grace Hargreeves, mother, robot **Threat level: low**
  * Pogo, highly intelligent chimp, caretaker **Threat level: low**
  * Mannequin, named Delores, result of apocalypse

**Skills/Abilities** : 

Survival skills due to apocalypse living, natural ability to time travel without a Commission-sanctioned briefcase (observed to not be very good at this), natural ability to teleport, good at planning and strategy, handy with multiple weapons, including guns, knives, explosives and most blunt objects, can be mouthy.

**Weaknesses:**

Exceptionally strong weakness for family (appears to have faded, more observations necessary), Dedication to mannequin companion, Impulsive when scared, Not used to talking to people, tends to like working alone.

**Special Notes:**

If it is not possible to find Five, target his family members. It will draw him out. However, none of Hargreeves should be killed, they are necessary to the timeline. 

Due to the  **{REDACTED}** in Five, he will use extreme violence if absolutely necessary. Use caution. Do not provoke without a plan.

* * *

(a letter written on a napkin, stained with peanut butter and teardrops)

Dear Five,

Hey, it’s Vanya. It’s been about five weeks since you ran out and I wanted to say I’m sorry. I’m sorry that you don’t want to come home, I’m sorry that we weren’t good enough. I’m sorry I wasn’t good enough. But, please.. Please come home. Everyone’s starting to move on somehow and it scares me. It scares me that they can forget you. Klaus started using your room to smoke weed in and I screamed at him to get out. He told me that you were dead and you wouldn’t care if he did, but he told me yesterday he hadn’t seen your ghost, so I didn’t believe him. Besides I know you, Five. You would’ve screamed at him so loud and I would've cried because it meant that you were back and you were ok. It’s not the same without you. 

Nobody talks back to Dad anymore, only Diego does and I think it’s just to rebel. He misses you, we all do. I heard Allison crying last night trying to rumor you home and Luther’s been more stern and Dad-like than normal. I wish we could buy him that fake monocle like you were planning on. It would’ve been funny.

Ben wants me to tell you that he finished the book he was reading that you lent him and he wants to talk about it with you when you come home. He says you would’ve hated what he had to say about it

Just, please come home, and please be ok, 

Vanya, Number Seven.

* * *

(a group of poems written on a piece of paper)

A white landscape glows

Cold, bleak and unforgiving 

I miss the trees.

~

Seven songs you asked me to listen too, I ignored you

Six books you read aloud to me at night, I pretended not to hear

Five digits in the last equation you wrote, I threw it in the trash

Four times you stumbled home drunk, I stayed in bed

Three rumors in my ear, I never asked you to stop

Two knives chucked at my face the day you left, I dropped them to the floor

One man on the moon, Six siblings.

Gone.

~

Body

Pain, Unimaginable

I wake up, you aren’t here

Everything hurts so much

There’s a pounding in my ear

Everything feels quite heavy

I don’t know what it is

But when I look down at myself

I know all the work is his

Our father is a good man

at least that’s what I thought

But now gazing at myself

My hopes were all for naught

You were right, I know that now

But if I were to admit

Then everything I’ve done

well, it would all be for shit

* * *

( a small piece of paper with messy handwriting, like the person had written the speech in a hurry)

On October 1, 1989, 43 children around the world were conceived and birthed immediately. Today, we are here to celebrate the life of one of those children. 

Number Six was in all regards, a true personification of what a hero should be. He was kind, selfless and knew just what to say to help those truly in need. Number Six’s loss will be hard on all of us and The Umbrella Academy will be taking a much needed leave of absence as we fight through this dark time together. We can only hope and pray that the horrors that Number six was famous for, will fight peace in the light.

* * *

(an official-looking report with the name ‘Sunnyville Rehab’ etched onto the front)

**Sunnyville Rehabilitation Center**

**Name of Patient: ** Number Four Hargreeves

**Nickname: ** Klaus

**Birthing History **

**Date of Birth: ** October 1st, 1989

**Mother: ** [Redacted]

**Father: ** (Adopted) Reginald Hargreeves

**Admission**

**Date of Admission: ** May 14, 2015

**Received from: ** Harper Street Alleyway

**Weight/ Height: ** 6 feet, 122 pounds

**Eye/Hair Color: ** Green, Brown

**Reason for Admission; ** Overdose 

**Notes: **

Take notes on belongings, Klaus has been known to steal from other patients, Please lock all nearby windows and doors, so he cannot sneak out and get more drugs. He is very persistent. If he starts talking to himself, do not be alarmed, it is quite common, but if he asks you questions, do not feed into his delusions.

Avoid any and all mention of the Umbrella Academy, it will most likely end up going badly. 

* * *

(a small series of letters written in colored markers)

Mommy,

I miss you. Please come home soon and tell me stories

Claire

Mommy, 

Daddy doesnt want me to talk about you. I don’t know why. I miss you.

Claire

Mommy,

Daddy says you did something bad, but you can’t do bad things! You’re a superhero! I told him that and he said I’d understand soon.

Claire

* * *

(a small handbook with neat cursive writing, the writing is so clean that it could've been done by a robot)

_ Diet Book. _

_ Luther _

_ He seems to like most foods in general but has a slight allergy to crab and other shellfish. Make sure to never feed him those things. He seems to appreciate having a hearty breakfast and hearty dinner and no lunch, which is unusual. _

_ Diego _

_ Will eat any and all of my food with no apparent allergies. Likes dairy products and meat. Has good “phases” where he will hate certain foods he liked days before, but this appears to just be a phase.  _

_ Allison _

_ Very picky with food and doesn’t eat as much as she most likely should. She said to me one day that her father told her to “watch her figure” but she’s perfectly healthy for a child of her age. She likes more fancy dishes than the others. _

_ Klaus _

_ Eats combos of foods that seems like he just threw it all together on the fly, but oddly enough these combos don’t always taste that bad. When eating at any meal, will mix everything together to create one thing. Is lactose intolerant, but doesn’t seem to care about it. _

_ Five _

_ Doesn’t eat much at mealtimes but instead snacks on anything and everything from marshmallow sandwiches to apples. Tends to eat foods high in calories due to his powers but seems to really like foods with excessive sugar.  _

_ Ben _

_ Refuses to eat any and all fish, which is good since Luther cannot eat them. Similarly to Five, he won’t eat a ton at mealtimes and prefers to snack often. His favorite snacks tend to be crackers and other things of that nature. _

_ Vanya  _

_ Eats almost nothing, except for very specific meals and is excessively picky, has an absolute hatred of oatmeal and anything else of that nature. Tends to eat the same things as Number Five or Ben even if she doesn’t appear to like these things. _

* * *

March 31, 2017

It’s a lot quieter in the house without the children here, I’ve observed this. Sometimes, I’ll hear some voices or some footsteps and I’ll turn around expecting to see the children there. But they are gone and it is my fault. And Reginald’s, but mostly mine. For going along with it all.

I love the children, I do. But…

I know my place here in this home and unfortunately, keeping Reginald’s design is my main goal. But I fear, that it is starting to end. He revealed to me and Grace a plan to get all of the children back in the house, and.. I can’t say I’m not thrilled to see them again, but the simple thought of the world without Reginald is simply too awful to comprehend.

I will miss him, but I miss the children too. But it’s possible that a change is needed, because one grows used to things even if they shouldn’t.

Pogo

* * *

(a series of short letters)

Dad-

Send more food. 

Luther

Dad-

Send more food

Number One

Master Luther-

Your father assured me that he will be sending you more food soon. I hope you’re doing well. 

-Pogo

* * *

(a case file that is slightly curled at the ends)

**Assignment #100792**

**Corrector(s):** 00.05 (Number Five) Hargreeves

**Manager: ** The Handler

**Mission:** Eliminate Target in Attached File. 

**File # 30096**

John Fitzgerald Kennedy

**Rank:** President of the United States of America

**Age:** 46

**Eye Color: ** Green/Blue

**Hair Color: ** Brown

**Threat Level:** Low to Medium

**Time of Origin: ** 1917 to 1963

**Relationships: **

  * Jacquline Lee Bouvier (Spouse) **Threat level: Low**
  * Four children Arabella, Caroline, John Jr, and Patrick **Threat level: low**

**Skills/Abilities** : 

No prior knowledge needed for this mission. 

**Weaknesses:**

Exposed and vulnerable, try to make it look like Lee Harvey Oswald’s original timeline attempt

**Special Notes:**

Come straight back to Commission headquarters after completion, any delay will result in loss of pay.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did a sequel.

(PR statement following the disappearance of Number Five)

One week ago on November 10th, 2002, our beloved Number Five disappeared from our family home. We were utterly shocked and confounded by his disappearance and are desperate for any news of his safe return. If you see any sign of him or maybe even think you did, please contact Reginald Hargreeves. 

We will be taking a leave of absence to search for Number Five, please be considerate and wait until we finish navigating this troubling time as a family. 

* * *

(Top Tweets mentioning The Umbrella Academy)

@bruhmoment

whatever happened to  **the umbrella academy** ? you’d think people with superpowers would be easy to find but you’d be wrong

1,295 likes / 342 retweets

@tritroublex

y’all ever think about how  **the umbrella academy** are probably adults now? they’re like.. 25?

328 likes / 86 retweets

@buddingpsycho

I remember being really obsessed with  **the umbrella academy ** when i was younger but i’m rewatching their old interviews and holy shit.

-

there’s so much wrong with their body language and tone, it’s legit freaking me out a bit

-

might do an analysis of it some time because it’s horrifying and as a psychology student i hope they are in therapy 

2319 likes / 749 retweets

@singingbird

did anyone see ** @AllisonHargreeves** interview yesterday? she totally refused to speak about  **the umbrella academy** . wonder if she’s still in contact with them?

216 likes / 61 retweets

@onlineweeb

not gonna lie i was never a fan of  **the umbrella academy** as a kid, but the  **@buddingpsycho** video makes me wanna die

-

all those things that they pointed out in those kids’ body movements and speech, i’m surprised the CPS didn’t get involved 

1035 likes / 212 retweets

@BuzzfeedUnsolved ✅

Check out our newest mystery! The Enigmatic Happenings of  **The Umbrella Academy**

10.6k likes / 6.2k retweets

* * *

(Excerpt from Buzzfeed Unsolved Episode “The Enigmatic Happenings of the Umbrella Academy”)

**RB:** On October 1st, 1989, a bunch of women randomly gave birth without being pregnant in the first place. The total estimated count of these women was about 43 but we only know what happened to seven of these “miracle babies”

**SM: ** The real question is with a birth like that, it’s a miracle that not one of them was named Jesus.

**RB: ** (wheeze)

**SM: ** Imagine you’re a bank robber and you just get beat up by a superpowered child named Jesus

**RB: ** And no one believes you in prison.

**SM: ** (laughter) 

**RB: ** These known seven miracle children were all adopted- and I say adopted very loosely- by billionaire Reginald Hargreeves and formed the Umbrella Academy. Their names are Luther, Diego, Allison, Klaus, Number Five, Ben and Vanya Hargreeves. 

**SM: ** You know, I was with you until you said Number Five. Who names a child that?

**RB: ** Reginald Hargreeves named all of them after numbers actually. The seventh sibling, Vanya, wrote a book explaining that Hargreeves never named his children and only called them by their numbers. Apparently, he had their robot caretaker give them names. 

**SM: ** That’s fucked.

**RB: ** I agree, it is quite fucked. Vanya’s memoir exposed Reginald Hargreeves as basically a monster. 

**SM: ** Yea no kidding. 

**RB: ** None of the Umbrella Academy have backed up Vanya’s claims but her sister, Allison, never mentions the Academy in any of her interviews- I think that’s pretty telling.

**SM: ** She’s the movie star, right?

**RB: ** Yea

**SM: ** Her last movie was pretty good, you should go see it.

**RB: ** I’ll put that on my bucket list. 

* * *

(Statement from Toronto Police Department regarding the release of Diego Hargreeves)

After due consideration on all fronts, we collectively have decided to terminate our relationship with Number Two Hargreeves. 

His reckless behavior both while working and outside of working is not part of what we want to show to the public. He has multiple counts of breaking and entering, assault, acting without a warrant, vigilantism, escaping the law, motor vehicle theft etc. 

Due to numerous altercations with the law and repeated warnings from his superiors, we have no choice but to release Number Two from his position in the Toronto Police Academy. We wish him well on his adventures into other professions, but do not think that a profession in law enforcement is suited for his skills.

Thank you for your time,

The Toronto Police Department

* * *

(Excerpt from an Interview With Allison Hargreeves)

**You star in quite a lot of action flicks, is there any training you have to go through in order to get yourself ready for these parts?**

AH: Yes and no, I take regular kick-boxing classes and I go to the gym often enough when I’m not on set, but when I am on set, I do a lot of rigorous training just to make sure I’m in shape for all the action-y stuff I do [laughs]

**So you do a lot of your own stunts?**

AH: Yes, I do. I find that doing my own stunts allows me to get into the heads of my characters more. I ask myself, is there a reason my character always fights this certain way? Is there a backstory to her knowledge with this particular weapon or skill? I craft my own backstories and personality for my characters based on that.

**Some people wonder whether you do your own stunts because of your history of being a child superhero, is there any way you could confirm that?**

AH: As much as people like to think that, I do my own stunts for my own pleasure. 

**Would you say that being raised in your unique situation influenced your aptitude for action flicks?**

AH: I like playing characters in action films because I feel more in tune with the emotions a character can feel. Those kinds of situations allow me to really show my range as an actress since each situation is taken to an extreme, allowing for extreme emotions.

**We only have time for one more question. If the other members of the Umbrella Academy were watching this interview now, What would you say to them?**

AH: I hope you guys are doing ok.

* * *

(Excerpt from “Extraordinary: My Life as Number Seven” with additional notes from Number Five)

Sometimes, I wonder what Five would’ve been like as an adult. Would he have succumbed to the same stigma that my other siblings feel too as we aged, or would he have always remained my best friend? 

I’d like to think he’d still be my best friend.

My best friend, my closest confidant, the only person in the whole house that understood just how messed up it all was at age thirteen, even if we all figured it out later, Five will always hold the title of first. 

The boy who never grew up, immortalized in a picture on top of the fireplace, something that the real Five would’ve made a mockery of. The face on the back of my milk cartons, imploring me to look for someone who will never be found. Every young body found on the news, causing my throat to close up as I wait for the name on the screen that will never come. The boys on the street in school uniforms, laughing with their friends, never knowing how many times the tears come down my cheeks at the sight of them.

I’d like to think he’s out there somewhere, living his best life and married and happy, but if Reginald Hargreeves taught me anything, it’s that reality is often disappointing.

He’s still a hero to me.

_ I am not a hero.  _

_ I’m a coward.  _

_ It’s nice to know you still think of me, gone at age thirteen. I can barely remember what I was like at that age. I was probably a nuisance.  _

_ I’m 30 years old today, older than you ever got to be. I can’t help but wonder the same things you used to wonder about me. _

_ I see you everywhere. All of you. _

_ But mostly you, Vanya.  _

_ Your book has your face on it. I wonder if you know just how much that hurts.  _

_ I wish I found your body. _

* * *

(Excerpt from The Journal of Reginald Hargreeves)

December 12th, 2007

Today was Day 4 of my experiment with Number Four and I have to say, I’m disappointed once again by the complete lack of respect and strength that Number Four approaches matters as important as this. I am trying to help him get over his fear of the dead and Number Four simply treats it as some sort of game.

As I am writing this, he has begun to scratch at the walls, a foolish attempt at nothing since all he is doing is ruining himself and causing more pain. If he would simply get over this childish and downright stupid fear, then maybe he could actually be useful for something, but instead all he does is flounce around and get in his sibling’s way during important missions.

Sometimes I wonder if Number Four should’ve been repressed just like Number Seven was, but I will need his ability later when the apocalypse comes.

It is the only way to tell the children how I died.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeet self into the sun,
> 
> im tired

**Author's Note:**

> I might write some more, we'll see. I'm not sure.


End file.
